Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Getting laid and paid (sort of)

A couple of minutes ago, I got an e-mail from someone I don't know, stating he wants to go out with me. He says he knows me from work, and he did actually mention some things you can only know if you do actually work at my company. The e-mail adress looked like it was made up just for the occasion, so I can't track it down...

Exciting! I'm not planning on doing anything with this as of yet, but it's nice to know someone's getting a hard-on on me (excuse the language) every day at the office. I wonder who it is. I guess tomorrow at lunch time, or while smoking a cigarette, I'm gonna scan the cafetaria to see if anyone's paying any special attention to me. Everyone's a suspect now hahaha!

Good boy

Remember how I wrote yesterday I felt generally shit? Well, it didn't really get better during the course of the working day, but then when I was off at 5 PM, there was a surprise that made me feel a lot better: my new bootleg Madonna DVDs arrived by mail! Needless to day, Annelies and I needed to watch them right away, so we went to her place where Stef ordered pizza's for the three of us. By that time I already felt a lot better, and watching the DVDs was a fun night, so it wasn't a complete waste of a day after all.

So now it's 9.15 AM and I'm a bit sleepy, but not so bad that I can't do anything. I'm having a meeting at 11, so I guess I'll just gonna answer some e-mails before that. Today, again I get off at 5 PM, so this day will probably pass by pretty quickly.

After that, I'm going to have a drink with some friends and then head off to my house to watch the rest of the DVDs.... I'm so predictable.

On the sunny side, I haven't heard anything from M. anymore. This may be interpreted as a good thing as well as a bad thing, but I prefer to see it only as a good thing, seeing that M. and I have nothing to say to each other anymore, so we could only end up fighting if we were to talk again. I've been a good boy just as well, staying far from the texting function on my cell phone. I guess I deserve a pat on the back!

Anyway, time to get some work done, have a good day, and leave me a message!

Cheers!

Monday, February 27, 2006

Dating around

There's no telling yet in how real these tour dates are, but here's a preliminery list that has been posted on various Madonna websites today. No word on any Dutch shows yet, although I've heard rumours of Madonna bringing her tour to the Amsterdam ArenA on september 3 and 4.. However, please keep in mind that none of these dates are official yet.

21. May 2006 - Los Angeles, California (Forum) 22. May 2006 - Los Angeles, California (Forum) 27. May 2006 - Las Vegas, Nevada (MGM Grand Garden Arena) 28. May 2006 - Las Vegas, Nevada (MGM Grand Garden Arena) 03. June 2006 - Washington, D.C. (MCI Center) 04. June 2006 - Washington, D.C. (MCI Center) 08. June 2006 - New York (Madison Square Garden) 09. June 2006 - New York (Roxy Club NYC, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 10. June 2006 - New York (Roxy Club NYC, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 24. June 2006 - Chicago (United Center) 25. June 2006 - Chicago (United Center) 01. July 2006 - Miami (American Airlines Arena) 02. July 2006 - Miami (Liquid Club, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 08. July 2006 - Fukuoka (Fukuoka Stadium) 12. July 2006 - Tokyo (Tokyo Dome) 13. July 2006 - Tokyo (Tokyo Dome) 15. July 2006 - Tokyo (Tokyo Dome) 16. July 2006 - Tokyo (Studio Coast Club, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 26. July 2006 - Moscow (Luzhniki Arena) 27. July 2006 - Moscow (Luzhniki Arena) 29. July 2006 - Prague (Sazka Arena) 30. July 2006 - Prague (Sazka Arena) 12. August 2006 - Manchester (MEN Arena) 13. August 2006 - Manchester (MEN Arena) 15. August 2006 - London (Earls Court) 16. August 2006 - London (Earls Court) 17. August 2006 - London (Earls Court) 19. August 2006 - London (G-A-Y Club, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 20. August 2006 - London (G-A-Y Club, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 26. August 2006 - Paris (Palais Omnisports de Paris-Bercy) 27. August 2006 - Paris (Palais Omnisports de Paris-Bercy) 28. August 2006 - Paris (Palais Omnisports de Paris-Bercy) 29. August 2006 - Paris (Palais Omnisports de Paris-Bercy) 31. August 2006 - Paris (Le Queen Club, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 03. September 2006 - Vienna (Ernst-Happel-Stadion) 05. September 2006 - Munich (Allianz-Arena) 08. September 2006 - Berlin (Max-Schmeling-Halle) 09. September 2006 - Berlin (Columbia Club, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 12. September 2006 - Cologne (Köln-Arena) 13. September 2006 - Cologne (Bürgerhaus Stollwerck, competition-winners & ICON-members only) 14. September 2006 - Istanbul (Ataturk Olympic Stadium) 17. September 2006 - Tel Aviv (Nokia Arena) 30. September 2006 - Rio de Janeiro (Estádio Jornalista Mário Filho (Maracanã)) 01. October 2006 - Rio de Janeiro (Estádio Jornalista Mário Filho (Maracanã))

Zombie style

For some reason, I can't seem to get the hang of it today. I went to my parents house yesterday, after I came back from my mini-break. It was a lovely evening, but the thing is, when I stay over at their place, I have to get up at 5.45 AM in order to make it on time for work.

Needless to say, I was looking very similiar to a zombie in the train, but thank God I did manage to get at least some sleep. So now I'm at work, and it's not really that I'm feeling ill or anything, but I'm not exactly into it either. Luckily enough I get off at 5 PM again today, so at least I'm not making too many hours. Can't wait to go home honoustly.

Well well, it seems like this is another post full of whining haha. Let me just shut up and smoke a fag outside (a cigeratte that is, not a homosexual).

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Back in business

Back from my mini break on Schiermonnikoog. Way too soon, if you ask me, cause we had a great time all weekend long. Basically we drank loads of booze and partied all night long, at this horrible disco called Toxbar. In fact, it's such a lousy place, it actually becomes fun going there. They did play Hung Up and Sorry many times, so as you can imagine my voice is totally wasted at the moment.

Same goes for the rest of me, for that matter. No matter how much fun we had, I think it's safe to say that trips like this aren't very healthy haha. I guess I should go to bed real early tonight, or else I'll be a broken man all week, which is not good.

So now I'm back at home and doing nothing, the way you're supposed to spend a sunday afternoon!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Crossing the sea

What a wonderfull day indeed this is! I've got the day off from work to go to Schiermonnikoog, but I'm not leaving before 4 PM, so this means I get to spend the entire day doing absolutely nothing. Normally I get this sense of weekend already on a friday morning, but today I actually am celebrating my weekend already.

At 4 PM, I'm going to Dirk's place, where we'll take the car and drive to Lauwersoog, which is where the ferry departures. Too bad it's only a short journey, since I love being on boats, and being surrounded by the ocean in general. I guess I'll be spending a lot of time on the beach this weekend. Obviously, the other thing to do, is drinking beer, and I won't have any problems doing just that haha.

I hope everyone will have just as good a weekend as I will!

Cheers!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Clubhoppin'

I just couldn't resist the temptation to post this just released breaking news about Madonna's upcoming Confessions World Tour:

Madonna plans to hit the clubs for her upcoming summer tour, because according to her tour director, it wouldn't be the disco queen's kind of dance floor if it wasn't a bit confessional too. "A typical Madonna show is quite produced," said Jamie King, who has been the creative director for Madonna's last two tours. "She likes things large, she likes things theatrical, but this time, being that "Confessions on a Dance Floor" is an intimate album, we want to try to make people have an intimate experience as well as a big produced theatrical experience. So look for us doing some small venues, some smaller venues."
To achieve that intimacy, Madonna will have to be able to get close to everyone, so the tour is also going to be more interactive. "I would like to put her as close to her people - her fans, her dancers, her fellow supporters - as possible," King said. While that effect was achieved via the pit and the catwalk on her re-Invention Tour, don't expect Madonna to merely reinvent that tour and trot out all the hits. The set list has been confirmed, King said, and it's definitely Confessions-heavy, with "some familiar faces" popping up from the past two dance-themed videos, "Hung Up" and "Sorry." That said, there will be a few yet-to-be-revealed fan favorites on the set list as well.
"Listen, I love old Madonna songs - I don't know one person who doesn't," King said. "But we want to focus mainly on this album. I think people love it and they want to hear it, so expect a lot of the songs from Confessions on a Dance Floor."
Tour dates have yet to be announced, but rehearsals begin March 1.

Fantastic! I couldn't be happier right now!

Sugar, spice and everything nice

After a relative quiet day, at 2 AM (or somewhere around that time) last night, M. woke me up by texting me ans making me pissed off once again. For some reason, all of what happened now seems to be my own fault. According to him, I should have known that we weren't going to have anything serious, and for that reason it was my own choice to spend the night with him. Apparently I was supposed to not let myself go while I was at his place, kissing him en cuddling him. He then invited me to stay, and I said yes.

The problem with this, obviously, is that I don't believe you can let the decision-making in the hands of someone who, at that moment, is not capable of making any rational decision. I wrote about this just yesterday, and I can't believe that M. is saying just that what I thought was ridiculous. As one of my co-workers just said, this is so totally not my fault. I suppose I should be happy that this has ended soon enough, before that I could become really attached to him.

Now that I'm at the office, I'm really happy about the fact that I'm having a day off tomorrow. I'm going to the island of Schiermonnikoog for the weekend, to have some silly fun, drink beer and basically do nothing. Can you believe this is my first holiday (even though it's 'only' a weekend break) for over 6 months? The last time was my week in London, back in august. I'm so totally lookin forward to this weekend and the island. I really need to get away, if only for a couple of days, so this mini break couldn't be more welcome. Of course, this also means that I won't be updating after tomorrow, so please come back on friday, bare with me on saturday, and read all about the weekend on sunday!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Please don't say you're sorry

Another update on how this day is progressing... Especially for this occasion I decided to give my blog a well deserved make-over, cause I grew tired of the previous lay-out. Besides, I am having an extremely slow day at work and I needed to keep myself busy, especially as I'm still pissed of like hell.

So I haven't heard anything from M. today, which is probably a good thing, cause chances are that I'll kick his virtual ass once again if he'd dare to cal or text me. It's very unusual in my world, but I'm still not in the least sad about what happened yesterday. I guess it's difficult to get emotional when you're furious? I don't know, but I'd have to say that I think I'm better of being angry than I would be if I were to be hanging around feeling sorry for myself all day, as I usually do in times like this.

I actually did something healthy today, namely buying myzelf a Confessions On A Dance Floor t-shirt, so I'm cheered up quite a bit. Futhermore, we decided to go and have dinner next week with the temps at work, since it's probably their last week at my project. I've worked with them for two weeks now, and I have to say that I'll probably miss them when they're gone. Being in the same room for 40 hours a week can get you bonding real quick.

Anyway, that's it for today. If I hear anything from M., I will post it here tomorrow as always.

Mad as hell

Right, so I woke up this morning, took a shower, smoked a fag and went to work (where I still am), and none of this distrated me from being totally pissed off at M. Actually, let's call it outraged, and that does not even begin to describe how fucking angry I am. For some strange reason, I'm not sad at all about these recent events, just mad. I can't feel sad for someone such a complete and utter asshole as M. is. I mean, let's be real, this is just plain stupid.

I firmly believe that he shouldn't had invited me to sleep at his place last saturday, knowing perfectly well how I felt about him, if that feeling wasn't mutual. The mere fact that he didn't appreciate this, is enough to call him a fucker, but what's worse is that he tries to play it off on me, telling me that it was my own decision to spend the night with him. What bullshit! How can you expect someone who's got a total crush on you to make any sort of rational decision in matters like this? You can't. I would have spend the night with him in North Korea if he'd asked me, let alone at his house. It's just so totally unfair to take the responsibility out on me, when he should have been the responsible one.

So, what I did last night, was telling him off big time on the phone, and then I went to sleep. I decided to erase his phone number from my cellular so that I cannot cramble back from being angry. Futhermore, I decided to sedate myself by buying a Confessions On A Dance Floor t-shirt at FanFire. Shopping can really cheer a guy up... Good thing I'm only angry, instead of sad, cause being pissed off always makes me very good at work!

All alone

Well, at least I know where I'm standing now. M. and me are no more, and I guess that after all this trouble we've been trough to get to this, it only seems logical, if not acceptable.

After a silent treatment for over 48 hours, I finally decided to text him, even though I knew it was basically his turn. After he didn't respond, I thought I'd gave him a call, which didn't turn out to be a hit either. When he finally called me back, he gave some lame excuse, telling me he wasn't really into it, and claiming he said this from the first time he saw me.

Excuse me? He most certainly didn't! I'm sure there were some troubles, and it wasn't for nothing that I wasn't sure of how things were going to turn out, but after last weekend, there's no way he's going to make me believe that this was actually turning into nothing.

Well, he tried to, and I told him to fuck off. Serves him right, but it doesn't leave the fact that once again I'm on my own. I really want to write about this tomorrow morning, but as of now, I just want to feel sorry for myself and go to bed....

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Message mayhem

Last saturday M. told me he wasn't much of a texting fan, so I decided not to bomb him with messages anymore, as I usually do when I really really really like someone. So after I'd left sunday morning, I waited until he sent me a message, and then replied to it. He texted me again, and I replied one more time. And that's it... yesterday I didn't sent him anything, nor did I call him. I merely thought about him all day hehe. Needless to say, I had my cell phone with me wherever I went, in hopes that he would sent me a message, but he didn't. I guess we're on this place where it's a bit of a challenge who's going to do something first. It gives me a hard time not to be the first, but I am going to try it.

Funny though, how cell phones have basically changed the entire concept of dating. It used to be that after you'vebeen on a date, it wasn't unusual to wait for even days before he'd call you. Now, with cell phones everywhere, and texting being such a part of everyday life, people freak out as soon as someone's doesn't respond for a whole hour. Me, I'm no exeption, maybe I even invented the concept, but I have to say there's something really weird in how modern technology has changed the rules of engagement.

Personally, when I don't receive enough signs of life from someone I like, I immediately start to think that I've made a big mistake in thinking that he likes me, or that maybe I said something wrong, did something wrong, just wasn't funny enough. Total bullshit obviously, since I'm pretty sure he had just as good a time last weekend as I did. Besides, since I'm not responding myself, why should I expect him to be on hold 24/7? We tend to bend the rules as soon as the regard ourselves, but force them upon others, in particular objects of affection/desire/love even. Well, I know I do.

So what better time to make a change in this annoying behaviour than right here, right now? I have to get used to the fact that M. isn't a phone fanatic like I am, so I'd better get used to it. I do have to say though, that I really hope to hear something from him today. Am I such a needy person?

Monday, February 20, 2006

Living on a cloud

This past weekend has been absolutely perfect! Saturday afternoon I went having lunch with Anneke and did some shopping, which was nice. Then, saturday evening I went having dinner with M. at his place. I was sorta apprehensive about this, cause I didn't know where things would end up. You know, either things would go right or they would go terribly wrong.

Well, they went right big time! We had a great evening and I didn't leave before sunday morning, futher details not included hehe.

Yesterday I visited my parents and now I'm back at the office. A short post today, cause I am busy, but I'm also very happy!!!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Dinner or die

So tonight I'm having dinner with M. at his place and I'm freaking out a bit cause I have no fucking clue what to expect. It could be a great evening, but, as last thuesday, it could also end up a disaster. It's a bit scary, cause I tend to go in with a positive feeling, which could be ruined in just a minute. On the other hand: why would he invite me for dinner if he's planning on ending it (as far as things are already so far that they could be ended)? I simply don't know, so I guess I'll just have to go wait and see.

On the positive side, I'm going to buy the Sorry single by Madonna today. Of course, I've got the Confessions on a Dance Floor album in both the 'normal' version as well as the limited edition, but this single's got some great remixes of both Sorry and Let It Will Be, so I need to have it. Besides, the liner shot is fantastic and I need to boost her sales up so that she can go straight to the number one spot! What dedication!

For the rest of this weekend, I'm not really sure what I'm going to do. I guess it all depends on what happens tonight... Hopefully I'll find some time tomorrow to help Remco and Mirjam with their new house, as I more or less promised them at Anneke's graduation drink yesterday.

Have a good weekend!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Dazed and confused

Yahoo, I just got notice I'm off from work today as early as 2.45 PM, so that I can attend one of my best friends' graduation from college! I've been working extra hours this whole week in hopes that I could make it today, but since one of my co-workers was ill yesterday, there was no word yet on wether or not I could. She's back at work tday, so nothing stands in the way of leaving early!

We're going to Anneke's graduation at the main university hall, and then we'll have drinks at a nice place called Het Feythuis. Sounds like it's going to be a great way to start off the weekend.

Furthermore, I'm still kinda hoping to hook up with M. this weekend. We sorta had made plans, but that was before things started to get a bit awkward, so I'm not really sure if they're still on. I guess I should be texting him regarding this, but I don't want to come off all too desperate. Guess I'll have to consult some friends in the matter, see what they think I should do. Or better yet, if you're visiting Totally Theo and rading this, leave me a message with advise!

In any case, I hope everyone has a great weekend. Don't do things I wouldn't do, but if you do, make sure I'm the first to know!

Cheers!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

And the winner is...

Normally I don't post twice on the same day, but seeing that Madonna has won the Brit Award for Best International Female Solo Artist, I felt it appropriate to celebrate this on Totally Theo.

Congratulations to Madonna, for this great (and, in music business, very important) award! No-one derves it more than she does!

Also, check out the new 'Sorry' video, which is recieving massive airplay on both radio and music television! It's fucking awesome! Can't wait for the tour!

Something old, something new

I'm like a kid in a chocolate factory regarding my new computer! Yesterday, my friend Stef brought it and installed it, and finally, after about a year of struggling with my goddamned old computer, that is now ready for trash. Anyway, the new one's working like a charm, and I couldn't be happier with it!

So what else is new: I heard from M. yesterday. He texted me he was thinking about me non stop and didn't go to class because of that. This is getting more complicated per minute I suppose. So I texted him back, simply stating 'Same here' (Not that I didn't go to class obviously, well, I didn't go to class, but you get the drill), to which he didn't respond at first. Then, at about midnight, I got another text message about how he needs to sort things out a bit.

Normally I guess this would have meant the end of this situation to me, since I'm not a very patient person, and have the amazing ability to become quite pissed off on these things, but now I'm actually willing to wait and see what happens for a while. Guess I'm getting older haha. He did ask me to come over for the weekend, but that was before this had started, so I'm not exactly sure if it's still an option. If it is, I'm perfectly willing to be spending my weekend with him, I can tell you that!

Anyway, back to work. Getting off early today, so that I can go and have some dinner and do some shopping with my friend Anneke, maybe ecen catch a movie. It's gonna be a good day!

Cheers!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Dating disaster

Right, so this has been the weirdest Valentine's Day I've ever had. As I mentioned yesterday, M. came over to my house last night. He arrived at about 10 PM, and looked gorgeous as before. We drank some wine, talked a lot, and generally had a great evening.

Then, at about 1 AM, things started to change a bit. We sorta laid next to each other on my couch, and then we kissed.... Needless to say, I thought this was a nice progress, and for a while it actually was. Then, all of a sudden, he started talking about how things were so stressfull in college for him, and how that kept him from trying to start a relationship with anyone (can't really see how those two things are related), more in particular with me.

So I told him I thought it was a bit weird asking me what I was looking for with him, to which I, quite frankly, answered that I'm basically on the lookout for a serious relationship, and then afterwards suddenly telling me that he wasn't up to that right now (for all the wrong reasons if you ask me). Basically, it made me sad, and I asked him to leave, which he didn't. I obviously had to go to work this morning quite early, so I decided to just go to bed. When I still didn't hear him leaving my house (he was still in the living room) I felt just a bit (the operative word being just) sorry for him cause it was quite cold, so I gave him a sleeping bag.

Then of course this morning he was still in my house and apparantly wanted to talk about what happened last night. I was not really in the mood for that, so I just went and took a shower, so that I could go to work. That meant he had to leave the house as well (which this time, for a change, he actually did). Then he wanted to walk me to the office, to which I said no.

So, as you can imagine, I'm a bit confused right now. I guess I just need a hug.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Bloody Valentine

Did I mention before that I absolutely despise Valentine's Day? I think it's totally degrading to have only one day a year where you are obliged to tell the people you love that you love them. I think it's a stupid, overly-commercial, useless 'holiday' and I refuse to celebrate it!

Of course, all this is only due to the lack of a boyfriend at present. Last year's Valentine's Day was actually quite good. Started the day off with fantastic sex and found a card in my bag, while I was heading off to work. In the evening, we went out for diner and a movie, ending the day with another round of great sex.

Not this year... I am having a kind of date tonight with an as of yet undisclosed person, but I'm not really sure where that will head to. It could just as well be him telling me the single line dreaded by all single people: 'Let's just be friends'... Here I am spending the whole day worrying how the hell I'm going to be able to clean my house after work just in time before my date arrives, while it could be a desastrous evening just waiting to come out.

Do I sound a little frustrated? Maybe that's because I am. I'm painfully aware of all those people going out for dinner tonight and having fabulous sex afterwards. And on top of all this, tomorrow's no better, because it's my ex-boyfriends birthday. Let's call this week fucked up week of the year...

Well, let's just see what's going to happen tonight. Maybe I get lucky and it turns out to be a great evening. In that case, 'll take back everything I've written down here today and report all the filthy stuff tomorrow!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Goosebumps

Saturday night I went clubbing with a couple of friends, just for the fun of it. We went to the local gay club, cause we wanted to dance to 'Sorry', the new Madonna single. Once there, I met this great guy called M. (no full name disclosure at this point) so we ended up spending the entire evening talking to each other.

After I left, he sent me a text message, and a couple more on sunday, so we decided to meet up again on sunday night (dare I call it a date? hm, not yet) at his place. We had a great evening, and I really liked him. He's cute, funny, interesting and he his this voice that gives me goosebumps (in a positive way, that is).

So now I'm a bit of a child, hoping he'll text me again soon, and I want to meet up with him again. What a great way to start off the week! I even like work better than usual today!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Expect the unexpected

Woosh, what a busy day this has been. 9 Temps going live, unexpectedly... They were supposed to go live next thuesday, but due to technical difficulties we had to put them in earlier. Needless to say, they were kind of scared, since they expected to have another day of training ahead of them. Well... think again. It was a bit hectic for me as well, cause all of a sudden I had to adjust my entire day into being a standby help to them. Oh well, a good reason to feel I really deserve this weekend!

Good news then: yesterday, at the Ellen DeGeneres afterparty to the Grammy Awards, Madonna for the first time announced her upcoming world tour herself! This is particular good news since ticket sales can only commence once there has been official confirmation of a tour. Guess I'll be spending a night at the sidewalk of the TicketMaster outlet somewhere in the near future! Even though it's very very stressful to get Madonna tickets, it's also a very exciting time.

So what else is new? Nothing much really. I haven't been doing any shocking things this past week, so I guess I'll just go and enjoy my weekend. Hope you'll do the same!

Cheers!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

My freakin' head

As of yesterday, I have been kind off ill, which probably explains why I posted the previous message on this blog. Not that I didn't mean it, but maybe it wasn't such a smart idea posting it here. Oh well, it's here already, so I don't see the use of deleting it.

Today, still feeling ill, I have to give a training to 10 new agents. Couldn't think of a worse day to do so, since I barely have a voice and my head feels like it is going to explode. I hope I'm going to make it through the day allright.

For all of those who aren't sick: have a nice day!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Let's talk about love

Right, so I'm going to post something today, which is, even to me, kinda scary to post. Scary, because it's something that basically I know in my head, but I'm trying, with mixed succes, to keep this a secret from everyone around me. The thing is, I have to say it, I still love my ex boyfriend R.

I love my ex-boyfriend.

There, I wrote it down, probably for the very first time since we actually broke up.Three years ago, in 2003, it was apparent that we were through, and I went through litteral hell to deal with that.I cannot even begin to count the numerous times that I found myself totally broken down on my couch, crying like shit and having absolutely no idea whatsoever what to do.I think I smashed more cups and glasses than anyone else in this entire world. Somehow, at one point or another, it didn't feel like knives stabbing me anymore.

Of course, this didn't meant I had no feelings for R. anymore all of a sudden. Up until this moment, I don't think a single day goes by without me thinking about him, and wishing that we could get back together, even though I know damn well that it's a fat chance. It's just, you know, I cannot simply say to myself that from this point on, I no longer have any feelings for him.

I guess the weird thing about missing an ex-partner is that you're not missing anything in particular. I mean, I don't miss the sex, cause if you're up to it, you can have sex just about around every corner. It's what goes around beyond having sex what I miss... sleeping together, waking up at night and just looking at him, having breakfast, going on holiday. In general, just knowing that he exists. He still exists, but not for me.

So why is today the day I'm finally writing this down? I don't know, maybe I'm just sick of pretending. Maybe I'm just sick of this endless parade of trying to make it with someone else, where you just know from the start that it just isn't going to work. Maybe because, to be quite frankly, I'm hoping for him to not read this, but I'm also hoping for him to do read this. I don't know, I just, for once, wanted to write down the truth, and for me, the truth is that I absolutely still love R. from the bottom of my hearth, no matter how silly or useless it may seem.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Does this get any better?

Well well, what a weekend it was! Friday afternoon, after work was finished, I went straight for a drink with some friends. After that, we went to my house to watch some DVDs and have some more beers.

Then, for some reason, I woke up quite early on Saturday, making it a good day to go shopping. I had to buy some birthday presents for my friend Dagmar, who was throwing a bash that evening. Bought Confessions on a Dance Floor and Music (the latter, she promptly declared to take it back to the store and trade it in for something better, lol). Then, time for a Saturday afternoon drink.

I had dinner with two of my friends at their place, after which we all went along to the birthday party. Got so totally drunk I decided it not a good idea to go clubbing, out of fear I wouldn't even be admissioned to the club, so instead I went to bed.

Yesterday I went and visited my parents, which was a nice way to end the weekend. Watched this really exciting movie called Thirteen Days, featuring Kevin Costner, about the Cuba Missile Crisis, back in 1962. Scary shit!

So now I'm back in Groningen, and back at the office, after a fun-filled weekend. Hope you had the same!

Thank you, Goodnight!

Friday, February 03, 2006

Sleeping easy, doing nothing

I spent last night doing nothing, except for having a couple of beers with some friends. I was planning to make it a productive evening, cleaning my house and stuff like that, but after a bit of a stressfull day at work I just couldn't be bothered. I don't mind though, cause it turned out to be a fun night.

Today I get off work an hour earlier, so I get a head start on the weekend as usual. I don't know what I'm gonna do tonight, but tomorrow I'm having a birthday party for my friend Dagmar. Of course, I'm going to give her a copy of Confessions On A Dance Floor (never stopping to spread the word). She's going with me for the world tour later this year, so I figure she'll be happy with it.

A short post today, but there's a meeting to attend. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Sex and the city

A couple of days ago A.N. sent me a text message, stating that he was quite in for a sex date. A sex date... I never really understood the concept of a sex date. I mean, sure enough I've had my share of one night stands, but that was usually under the influence of booze, and not a planned activity. I don't get the idea of asking someone to plan out a sex date. What does that mean? You meet up somewhere and just start having it off? Doesn't that usually go accompanied by having a drink or something?

I know there are some people who like to think that I'm a sex-crazed lunatic, but that's actually not the case. I firmly believe in having a normal relationship, it just hasn't really been in the cards for a while now. If I look back, I can say that the happiest time of my life was when I was with R. We're not together for 3 years now, but I still miss him everyday. Not in a way that I have to sweep myself up from the floor or something, but still, we've shared so many movies, songs, situations, that it's impossible for me not to be reminded of him now and again.

It doesn't really make sense to be missing someone who is so obviously not in your life anymore, but I just can't help myself. Which brings me to the fact that an invitation for a sex date can make me somewhat furious. You know, why is it that gay men in general seem to be unable to be involved in normal relationships these days? Or maybe not even these days, maybe it's always been this way.

It's a kinda frigthening thought that you may end up being alone, just because the world around seems to want to live for hurried nights and no sense of commitment whatsoever. There must be someone else in this world who feels the same way about it, and who happens to like me. If you find someone like that, please give him my phone number!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Sky rocket high

Today, I'm totally not into writing about work, caused by an extremely bad day which included a huge fight with my boss. So, I'm turning to one of my other favourite subjects: Madonna (and up goes the Google ranking hehe).

Today it has been officially announced what we all knew candidly for a couple of weks: Madonna is going to be opening act on this years' Grammy Awards ceremonial! Not only that, it's going to be a team-up along with The Gorrilaz. The Gorillaz will be on the videoscreens performing their latest single, which will merge straight into Hung Up, featuring (duh!) Madonna live on stage. Rumour has it she's been rehearsing for this performance for over 2 weeks now, so I bet it's gonna be great! Also, a Grammy performance is a nice boost for hit record Confessions on a Dance Floor. Along with the release of Sorry on single, this is bound to bring Madonna back to the top of the charts!

Speaking of which, in Europe she actually still is top of the charts. Both Hung Up and Confessions on a Dance Floor are doing amazing all over the continent. It's a good time being a Madonna fan, especially with these world tour dates coming up. They're bound to be announced at any time now!

So as you can see, all is well in Madonna land. That's a nice thought on a fucked up day like today!
 
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