Sunday, April 29, 2007

News from abroad

Yesterday has been such a great evening! I was planning on doing basically nothing, but at about 7 my friend Ziena called me up to ask me out for a drink with her and her boyfriend. Of course I said yes, since her boyfriend lives in Taiwan because of his work for the better part of the year. He'd just come back the day before, so of course it was greating seeing him again.

We didn't make it too late, so when I got home there was still plenty of time to watch a movie before I wanted to go to bed, so I fed my 007 addiction, watching Moonraker. After that, I could barely keep my eyes open (which had nothing to do with the movie or anything, I was just tired) so I went to bed on a -for a saturday night- very early hour. It's okay though. Last week I was up till extremely late, so this is like a balance day.

Today I'm having the big date, so as I said yesterday I'm still a little nervous, but let's just see how it goes.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Advertising yourself

So tomorrow I'll be going on my second date with E. (note that this is of course a different E. from my ex-boyfriend, otherwise I wouldn't be calling it a second date) and I have to say I'm kinda nervous about it. You know, when you meet someone in a bar, it's easy to chat up, but then the second time you're going to find out if there's a click. The thing is, he doesn't live in Groningen (but not that far away) so if we're having awkward silences, it's not that simple to just say goodbye and leave it with that. I'm always a bit scared that might happen, but then again, maybe I should just go with it and see how it works out.

What I do know is that I liked him very much last week, and we've been texting like hell all week long, so it looks promising. At least it won't be some sort of blind date kinda thing where you sort of have to advertise yourself as being a great guy. I'm never really good in that, because it comes off really manufactured when I try. I know some people are really good in making themselves come off all nice and all, but unfortunately I'm not one of them.

So, I just gonna wait and see what happens, and hopefully we'll be having a great time!

Friday, April 27, 2007

Hail to the Queen

The weekend has officially started, and will be even one day longer than usual! On April 30th, the Dutch celebrate Queen's Day, which means a national day off, used by most (including myself) for binge drinking till you can't take anymore. I love Queen's Day! Usually I'm not that into the whole monarchy thing, but when it comes to a good party, you can always count me in!

Also, take the weather into account, and we're bound to have a fantastic weekend. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not a big fan of the heat, but when I'm off from work and knowing that I will still be so for the next couple of days, I guess I can take it, and even enjoy it!

So, I'm gonna have a nice glass of wine now, and see you all later!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Global warming

I'm starting to get very hot flashbacks to a time less than a year ago. Remember how I was constantly complaining about the heat last summer? Well, it's not even May yet, and it's already as if we live around the tropics. The office has turned into some sort of oven, and even in my own house I feel like fainting because of the temperature constantly.

As I said last year, I'm not a heat person. In fact: if it were up to me, we would be having springtime weather all year round, and no summer at all. Guess all the fucking global warming is actually catching up, and I hate it!

Monday, April 23, 2007

All work and still lots of play

First day of the week has never been one of my personal favourites, but I have to say today was actually quite a good day. Work went really well, and by the time I started to get tired it was already time to go home. Love it when a Monday passes by without noticing!

Tonight my friend Niels, also known as Tannus, is coming over for a drink, and most likely some Madonna DVDs. It's been a while since we last saw the Re-Invention Tour DVD, so I'll try and push him into that!

Furthermore, that guy I was writing about yesterday, has been texting me last night as well as this morning, so let's see what happens there! All in all, a good day. Have a good evening everyone!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

A bit of a whore

Okay I admit, I'm a bit of a whore... Yesterday evening I met this great guy and I really was planning on taking it easy... well fat chance! Went home with him and had a great time! Can't wait to see him again!!!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Madonna in Malawi


The long kiss goodnight

Now that the weekend has begun, I'm so glad we can all get down to a lower pace. I was so tired tonight, but managed alltogether to go to this great party! Even though I was tired as hell, I really did enjoy myself, even though I went home early.

So now that I'm at home, I realise I really need to get some sleep. So: sleep tight, and see you again tomorrow!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

I'm done with it

To me it's just amazing and totally unexpected: I haven't been sad for not even a minute since my ex boyfriend and I vowed to never want to see each other again. I really thought I'd be devestated, but no such bad-luck whatsoever. In fact, I think I can finally make my peace with all the shit that's happened, since now I'm actually not the victim here, but the one (well, I know he's pissed off as well) who's angry.

It feels really weird. I had so many hopes when we started off our renewed contact, and during it, I really wanted it all to work out, but I think all that's happened during those infamous three weeks, especially the last night, has kicked some sense into me. I realise now so much that even though I think I will love him one way or another for the rest of my life, we just wouldn't work out together, and I suppose I'm fine with it.

I can still very much think back of all the good days we've had, but I can now finally also think back of all the bad things happening between us, without feeling this terrible need to tell myself they weren't so bad. The fact is: they were. We've had great times, but we've also suffered extremely bad times, in which I just couldn't understand where he was coming from, and couldn't imagine why in the world we were having problems.

Now, I think it's irrelevant. We've had our share, and it's okay. I'm done with it.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Parkside drinks

Wow, another fantastic day here in Holland. The sun has been shining all day long, so I took as many cigarette breaks as I possibly could cram into one day. Now that I'm at home, it's still warm enough to be spending the evening outside, so I invited Niels, also know as Tannus, over for a drink.

I happen to live right in front of a little park, so it's a great place to have some company over by the water and enjoy some wine, and that's exactly what we're planning to do. Tomorrow will be somewhat of a lazy day at work, cause I've done more than I should have today. Can't run out of work in one day, can I? :-)

Anyway, I'll be off. Have a great evening everyone! Cheers!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Enjoy the sun

Even though today it has been beach weather to the max, I didn't go anywhere near the water. In fact, I went to my parents, so I did actually enjoy the sun somewhat. We spent all day long in the garden with a nice cold beer, so I guess I did sorta enjoy the summer feeling.

Back at home now, I'm ready to go to bed, and get back fresh and shiny tomorrow! I hope you'll have had a great weekend as well!

Beautiful day

Going to bed early on a Saturday evening does have its advantages. I woke up this morning all fresh and happy, so now I can actually enjoy my free Sunday instead of being hung over all day long. Especially since it's a beautiful day in Holland, I'm really happy about this!

This morning I was just fucking about a bit, you know, watching some tv and taking a long breakfast and shower, but this afternoon I've got plans. In about an hour I'll take the train to Leeuwarden and visit my parents. My mother has this large garden where you can have a lovely drink in the sun, so I guess it will be a great afternoon.

I'm getting old

Wow, I think I'm just getting too old... I was so planning on going out today, but as it happened, I was just too tired to do so. Me and my friend Sara had a great night at my place, and we did actually went out, but it didn't take me any more than 10 minutes to realise there wasn't a place I wanted to be more than at home.

So I'm old, but then again, what the hell. I'm not really into the clubbing crowd anymore as it is, so I can't really feel sorry for myself not wanting to go anymore. For the last two weeks, I've been clubbing like hell because of my ex-boyfriend, but now that he and I aren't seeing each other anymore, I can't really be bothered.

Anyway, as you may have suspected, I'm off to bed! Thank you, goodnight!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

The Blob

Yesterday, after work, my co-worker Ziena came over for some drinks and a movie. We ended up watching The Blob, an old fashioned horror movie. I don't know if it was supposed to be scary (I guess so) but in the end it turned out to be hilarious. Anyway, we had a nice evening!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

In the land of the living

It's amazing how little time it takes to feel a hell of a lot better! I woke up this morning feeling just fine, and went to the office in a good mood, and none of that changed over the course of the day! I've been very busy, which was totally fine, and after work I was having a work function at a beer, cause one of my co-workers was leaving the company. Great function, with all my lovely co-workers being right there! Things like that can really cheer a guy up!

So now I'm back at home, just fucking about a bit. There's this terrible movie called A Guy Thing on telly, and I'm just sorta watching it, while chatting about a bit on the internet. All in all, a good evening, and a good day! Tomorrow will be just as nice, cause after work I'm going for drinks with my co-worker Ziena.

Have a good night everyone, and be sure to come back tomorrow!

Live Earth


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Deal with it

You know, feeling sad can really drive one's work ethics up. You wouldn't even believe how much I've been up to today at the office,and I have to say I haven't really felt this productive since my first day at the job. Sorrow can really cheer a guy up as it happens.

Furthermore, I've done a pretty good job in cleaning my thoughts up, with a lot of help from my co-worker and best friend in the whole world Ziena. I realise now I'm not even angry at my ex-boyfriend, even though I thought I would be very much. Right now, I just feel as if all of this should have never happened. I know I can miss him, but I shouldn't. I know I still love him, but I know it's just no use whatsoever.

It's just... I know I will always love him, and I will always consider him to be the #1 love in my life, but apparantly it just doesn't work out, so what can I do? I know I cannot make my life miserable forever, so I just need to move on, no matter how difficult it may seem right now. We're just through, and that's the way it is, and I just need to find a way to deal with that.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Regardless of the outcome

I've been thinking things over, cause once I'm alone, my guilt feelings start to kick in, so I wanted to make absolutely sure they aren't justified in any way. Although I'm very good in the guilt trip, I do realise I shouldn't be going there this time. I've taken the blame (not always in public, but at least for myself) so many times for things that essentially weren't my fault, and now I'm just so through with it.

I realise very well it doesn't mean a fuck who's fault all this shit is. Regardless of the outcome, I'll probably never see him again anyway. The thought of that alone can literally make me feel sick to my stomach, but it's just the way it is. What can I do? I can take the blame once more, but that wouldn't make me happy. Maybe I should just try and get it to my fucking unwilling brains to convince myself that we are just not good for each other. I really should.

The problem is, every time I try to think of the bad things, and try to be angryy with him, the situation or even myself, I just go back to all the great times we've had, and I find myself sobbing around in a corner. I so want this to end, cause I know perfectly well it's no use whatsoever, but I just can't. I mean, just two days ago everything seemed fine, even though in the end I know it wasn't. I was probably trying to hard to make it work, but that was just because I wanted it to work so damn much. I can't believe it is finally over, cause there's nothing I want more in this world except for it not to be over.

So what can I do? I just don't have a goddamned clue. I know I shouldn't call him, and I won't. I know I should just try and get him out of my head, but I don't see how I should do that. Please, if anyone has any advice, let me know...

Letting go

I just got back from two days at my parents, which gave me lots of time to think the weekend over. I don't know wether or not I should be glad with that, but at least it shed some light on the subject.

I realise now that even though I love my ex-boyfriend still very much, we just cannot go on like this. These past three weeks have been somewhat of a mixed blessing, with me loving him to death, and being overjoyed to be with him, but at the same time, being all scared and back to where we once were. The thing is, as long as we don't feel the same way about how it has to be from now, we just can't be together at all. He knows I'm still crazy about him, so basically this means he can do anything, and I'll forgive him. I'm not saying that he's taking advantage of this knowledge, but the fact remains that I'm putting myself in a very vulnerable, and ultimately unhealthy position by letting him call all the shots.

So, no matter how difficult it is for me (and believe me, it is!), I need to find a way of letting him go, otherwise I'll drown myself in misery, and I just can't do that anymore. It's strange to think about next weekend. I was hoping we'd be having a good time somewhere in Groningen or Breda, but I guess this really is it and I'll never see him again. I'm sort of making my peace with it as we speak, and although I have to confess it's not all that yet, I'm getting there.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

The end

As you probably know, this weekend my ex-boyfriend was coming over for a visit. Well, let me tell you, this has been the last time I ever wanted to see him. Everything went just fine in the beginning, and we had a really fun night. Then we went out, and all that started pretty well as well.

After a while, we got into a huge fight (I won't spill the details) and I just thought he was being so totally unreasonable. So we went home, and he threatened to drive back to Breda, with a shitload of booze in his blood. I tried to prevent him from driving, but he just wouldn't listen, so I gave up. Thank God it turned out he didn't drive, but slept in his car.

So this morning he came over to pick up his stuff and just left. For all I care, I may never see him again.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Uncle Theo

My sister gave birth this morning to her second child: a perfectly healthy little girl! So this means from today on I'm uncle for two kids! Yay!

Friday, April 06, 2007

Tired

I can't tell you enough how happy I am the weekend has started! Today has been just another extremely busy day at work and I must say I kinda've had it with all these hectic days. Now it's Friday night and I can finally relax and enjoy my weekend. Tomorrow my ex boyfriend is coming over, so I'm sure we'll have a great time!

Hope you all have a good weekend as well!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Working 9 to 5

Boy, am I going to be glad when this week has finally passed and I can start off my wel-deserved Easter weekend! It's been another very busy day, and I gotta tell you, when I get home after work, you can literally throw me on the couch and I will stop moving. Of course, every first week of a new month the busy times are here, but it seems as if this week it's even worse than usual.

On the other hand, while you're busy, time passes by real fast, so I don't even realise it's time to go home at about 5. I just had a quick bite to eat and then turned on the television to watch my usual round of sitcoms (am I pathetic or what) and then The Truman Show, starring Jim Carey, came on. I've seen that movie before and liked it very much, and wasn't dissapointed this time 'round. Great movie, I urge you all to go see it!

So, I'm going to bed in a short while, cause tomorrow there will be another hectic day, but after that, I can finally enjoy my weekend! Have a goodnight y'all!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Around the world

As you may recall, my good friend Niels has been to New Sealand for a couple of weeks. Since we had several get togethers every week for some wine and some Madonna, I really missed him. So imagine my happiness: he's back and he's coming over tonight! I'm looking forward to it big time, cause it's always such a laugh to have him over.

Furthermore, the sun is shining and spring is really kicking in. My mood is highly attached to the state of the weather, so I'm really in a very good mood today. Let's hope this weather continues over the Easter weekend!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The longest day

It's been a long day at work, so I'm happy to be back at home and just relax a little bit. Leendert is coming over for a drink tonight, so that's something to look forward to. Until then, I'm planning on watching every sitcom Dutch tv has to offer, as a working class hero is supposed to :-)

Even though it has been a long day at work, I didn't mind so much while I was at the office. I've been up to many things today, and everything is working out pretty well, so no complaining on that part!

Furthermore, next weekend my ex boyfriend is coming over, so that's something to look forward to as well. We're going to have drinks with my co-worker Ziena on Saturday, and have dinner with my parents on Sunday. Can't wait!

Monday, April 02, 2007

Nothing fails

Today I just want to share my favourite Madonna lyrics with you guys. I'm a happy camper at the moment, and I think these lyrics really reflect the way I'm feeling right now. If you like it, go and buy American Life, the album this song is featured on (did I hear anyone say 'download'? remember, you don't steal from your supermarket, so why would you steal from an artist?) Anyway, here goes:

Madonna - Nothing Fails

I'm in love with you, you silly thing
Anyone can see
What is it with you, you silly thing
Just take it from me
It was not a chance meeting
Feel my heart beating
You're the one

You can take all this
Take it away
And I'd still have it all
Cause I've climbed the tree of life
And that is why
I'm no longer scared if I fall
When I get lost in space I can return to this place
Cause you're the one

Nothing fails
No more fears
Nothing fails
You've washed away my fears
Nothing fails
No more tears
Nothing fails, nothing fails

I'm not religious
But I feel so moved
Makes me want to pray
Pray you'll always be here
I'm not religious
But I feel such love
Makes me want to pray
 
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